Mom's Never Gone
by CalPal052699
Summary: "Nobody can see me. I know that. Because nobody at the wedding can see the dead." Castle and Beckett's wedding from Johanna Beckett's POV.


**Okay, so this was... odd?... for me to write. I've never written anything from the POV of someone who has passed away. So, fair warning, if the idea of a ghost, of a loved-one gone too soon watching, weirds you out, don't read this.**

**Caskett's wedding, in Johanna Beckett's POV**

* * *

Nobody can see me.

I know that.

Because nobody at the wedding can see the dead.

I can see all of them, though, each and everyone one of them from where I'm standing - or doing whatever it is that the dead do when they are sorta on earth, watching the living. I can see all the guests, family and friends among many people I had seen at the Twelfth over the years of looking down on my daughter, watching her proudly as I saw what she accomplished. Her friends, her family, the people who had helped her move on from my death. I can see my husband, sitting in the front row of chairs set up outside Richard Castle's house in the Hamptons. I can see him, too. Rick, standing in a tux at the altar I know he let my daughter design, because I had witnessed that, too. He looks happy, happier than anyone else I could see. And, I'm glad, because he had helped my daughter more than anyone else ever could've, because he is the love of her life. That, I know.

They're all on the beach, right outside his place. The sand is white, and I find myself wishing I could feel it under my toes like I used to - but I push those thoughts back. It's a happy day - a really, really happy day. That is why there's the altar, square with tulle draping from from the corners, pink roses on the ground at either side of it. It's beautiful, perfect for my little girl... who isn't so little anymore. My little girl, who is about to get married to the man of her dreams, the man who unknowingly helped her overcome my death, and then knowingly helped her move on, the man who puts a smile back on her face and who makes her laugh and giggle. Rick makes her happy, and loves her unconditionally, and that is why my daughter is marrying him. He's her 'one and done' - it's what she called the man she hoped to find when she was a teenager, back when I was alive.

I walk - float? drift? whatever the dead do - away from the ceremony area and up towards the the house, where I know my beautiful Katherine is getting ready. When I find her, up in the master bedroom, I can't help the smile that comes across my face. Dead or alive, I'll never, ever get tired of seeing my baby girl smile, and the smile across her face is wider than any I've seen before, because she is truly, completely, utterly happy. Her dress, form fitting and covered is beautiful lace, isn't what I had pictured for her back when she was eighteen, but looks absolutely gorgeous on her. Her hair is pinned up, allowing everyone to see the contours of her beautiful face. Her makeup is understated and so very Kate. Around her neck hangs a chain, a familiar chain, one she's been wearing for years, fifteen years. It's the chain that holds my ring, which dangles only inches above the sweetheart neckline of her gown. It makes my eyes water, because I've heard her say that's her way of keeping me close, of feeling like I was still there with her, somehow, somewhere. And I am. I'm always there for my princess, the baby who grew up to be the woman I am so proud of, even after I left the physical world, even after I was taken from her. I'm always there, and I'm never going to leave her, because she's my daughter, and even though I crossed over years ago, I'll never stop loving her.

From where I am, I watch her turn around to face her friends, Lanie and Jenny. The smile on her face hasn't faded, only grown to the widest smile I've ever seen on her face. I wonder how it'll possibly grow when she sees him standing there, in awe of her, ready to profess his love to her in front of everyone. Her joyous grin is met by her friends' smiles, both failing in comparison to the bright, room-illuminating one that belongs to my daughter. I watch as she hugs them both, their ocean blue dressed contrasting against her off-white one, her eyes closing as she rests her head against their shoulders, her smile now showing no teeth lazy and sweet. I hear them telling her she looks beautiful, and how happy she looks, and how much I would've liked to be there, and how I'm looking down on her proudly. I can't help but smile at their words, and the way her eyes fill with tears, the corners of her lips still held up in a smaller smile, but a still present one, and the way her fingers reached up fidget with the ring dangling from her neck, my ring. Her tears are never shed, she wipes them away quickly instead, muttering under her breath about how grateful she is for waterproof makeup. I let out a soft chuckle at that.

Jenny is about to speak again, her mouth opening to begin her sentence, but she's interrupted by the opening door. I turn, along with Jenny, Lanie and Katherine, to see my husband standing there. I wish I could be there with him, witnessing in person rather than in spirit the day of our daughter's wedding. The day where our beautiful Kate promises her life, her love, her past, present and future to one person. Jim has tears in his eyes, I see them rise as soon as he sees her dressed in white like we had always dreamed she would one day be. Lanie and Jenny fade into the background - figuratively and literally, as they take a step back. I see more tears grow in Katherine's green eyes, as they lock with her father's. I wish I could be there and hold her. I wish I could be there and have her see me, hold me, tell me how truly happy she is. I want to hold her. I want to hold my daughter on her wedding day. Every mother does, and watching her reach out to her father just makes me want it more.

I hear his whisper in her ear, telling her I would be so happy for her, so proud of her, and that I'd cry as she walked down the aisle. He's so right, he knows me so well, always did. She nods against his shoulder, her grip on him visibly tightening, as if needing his support. I watch a single tear roll down her cheek, onto his jacket. A father/daughter moment I half wish I wasn't witnessing, just because I wish I could be there, with them, in person, standing behind the door, waiting for a chance to hug my daughter. It's only when they pull apart that I notice Jenny and Lanie had left them alone. Their eyes lock, tears glistening in both his and hers. A silent question is exchanged between them, her asking him for a moment alone. He nods and leaves the room, leaving her alone - well, with me, but she doesn't know that.

I'm still watching her attentively, happily, proud and yearning to hold her again, especially when I see what she does next. Her hand reaches up and she grasps my ring, her fist closing around it. She turns to look in the mirror, and I move to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder to see her reflection like she is. Tears are running down her cheeks now, and her knuckles are turning white because of the strength with which she grasps my ring. Her eyes close, the tears that had been in them wetting her eyelashes and cheeks. And then I hear her whisper.

"Mom..." She's addressing me, almost pleadingly - as if begging me to listen, to look down on her and smile, to reply. And I wish I could. She takes a deep breath, and I know she's preparing to say more. Her eyes open, and she tilts her head to look up. I wish she knew I'm right behind her, watching her proudly. "Hi..." Her voice is shakey, sad. "I wish you were here" I close my eyes, unable to watch the look on her face, the pained expression that worsens with every word. "You'd love Rick. I know you would" I know I would, too, and I wish I could tell her. "He's so sweet, and funny, and so unlike me. He's the yin to my yang, mom" I heard a soft giggle escape her, and I could tell she was remembering something. Yin needs yang, not another yin. Yin/Yang is harmony. "And he loves me, so much, for me, mom. And I love him, too, so much" Her voice has turned soft, and sweet, and loving with only a hint of sadness at my absence remaining. "And he makes me so happy" I can hear the smile in her voice, even though I'm still not looking at her. "So, I hope your happy for me and proud. And I hope your watching me now, mom, because I want you to see me get married... even if it's not in person" The sadness has returned to her voice. "I love you"

After that, she doesn't add anything. I open my eyes to see her wiping her tears. I watch as she slowly releases my ring, her eyes locked on her own in the mirror as she does. Her free hands move down to smooth out her dress before she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes momentarily. Once they're open again, she reaches over to a nearby table and gently grabs the bouquet of flowers - white lilies and pink roses, simple and elegant, mixed to make a beautiful bouquet, to highlight her beautiful dress, and the beautiful bride. Her hands meet around them, fingers circling the group of stems, and she holds it in front her. A smile, giddy and happy, crosses her face at the sight of herself - a bride ready to walk down the aisle to the love of her life. She turns and leaves the room, as I turn to see her link arms with her smiling father, my smiling husband, the smile on her face not faltering, only growing, as she answers with a nod after he asks if she's ready.

Next thing I know, I'm back on the beach, watching as Jenny walks down the aisle rather quickly, followed by Lanie. Rick is watching, his hands clasped together in front of him, obviously anxious to see my daughter, Kate, his bride. Next to him I could see Kate's fellow detectives, Ryan and Esposito, watching as the girls made their way down the aisle. Next to make her way to the front was Rick's daughter, Alexis, red hair pinned up in a bun, makeup simple, dress long but the same color as Jenny and Lanie's short ones. She's smiling at her father, who is smiling back proudly. Watching him, the way his expression changes as his daughter approaches him, I know I wouldn't of been able to find a better man to be the father of my grandchildren, husband to my daughter. The love in his eyes at the sight of Alexis is undeniable, impossible to miss, and I can't wait for the day he's looking down at his and Kate's child, that same love shining brightly in his eyes.

My imagining is cut short when I hear the shuffle of feet as everyone stands and the gasps of awe as Katherine is revealed to her guests. I smile, because I thought she looked happy before, back in the room, but her smile doubled in size as soon as she locked eyes with Rick. One, two, three steps down the white runner and she already has tears in her eyes. When I turn to look at the groom, I realize he does, too. It's what every girl dreams of - seeing your groom cry when you walk down the aisle. Jim had cried when I did, and I'm glad that my little Katie gets to experience that feeling, too - tear-filled gaze meeting tear-filled gaze, love-filled eyes meeting love-filled eyes. I know she's found the perfect man for her. If she was searching for my approval back in the room, she certainly has it. The joy in her eyes alone got her that - the smile of pure joy I haven't seen since I passed is on her face again, thanks to Rick. And, by the time she reaches the altar, that smile, that look in her eyes, is amplified by a million. Jim kisses our daughters cheek quickly, softly - and I miss the feel of those lips on my cheek - before releasing her, removing his arm from hers and taking her bouquet, and handing her off to Rick. The soft giggle she lets out when he takes her hand is only more proof of how happy and in love she is. And, watching as it slips from her lips, I can't be happier for her, prouder of her.

The shuffling of feet can once again be heard as everyone sits down again. Meanwhile, Rick reaches over and wipes the tears from Kate's cheeks with the pad of his thumb - something Jim had often done to me over the years we had together. She pulls her lower lip between her teeth - something she's done countless times, always has when she's nervous or, in cases like these, giddy. She quickly bounces on her toes, reminding me of back when she was a little girl, excited on Christmas morning. I hear his soft chuckle, and the rest of the crowds soft awws and chuckles. I know they're all surprised by how excited she is - I mean, even I'm surprised - how hardcore homicide detective, by-the-book, straight-faced Kate Beckett is bouncing on her tippy-toes at her wedding, more than happy, more than excited, more than loved. And, by me, more than missed.

When the officiant clears his throat, he gains everyone's attention, everyone turning to look at the altar, but Kate's eyes stay locked on the blue ones looking back at her. When he speaks, I'm sure nor Kate, nor Rick are processing anything being said, or even hearing it. I, quite honestly, never remembered a word the priest had said at my wedding. And, I'm not paying any more attention to the officiant this time. I'm totally lost in the love between bride and groom, the glow that radiates off her, the his thumb gently moves against the back of her hand, the look in both their eyes. It's the undeniable, unforgettable, undying love I had always wanted for my little Katie, from the very moment they told me she was a girl and placed her, screaming and wiggling, against my chest. From that moment, I knew I wanted this for her. I wanted her to find the love I had found in her father, the love that never faded, never died - even after I died, it's still there. And, with those thoughts, my gaze drifts to my husband, crying with joy and pride, a smile spread across his face, his eyes locked on our Katherine. Oh how I wish I could be sitting in that seat next to him, instead of Martha - not that I have anything against the woman, I just want to be there, in person rather than in spirit. I want to watch my daughter start her marriage in person, and tell her how much her wedding - not the actual wedding ceremony, but the love exchanged between her and Rick - was like her father and I's. I want to tell her how obviously happy she is, and how proud of her I am. I want that, and I know she does, too.

Her voice cuts through my thoughts. Well, it's actually another giggle, soft and sweet like those of the little girl she once was. Her lower lip is back between her teeth, another giddy smile telling me she's trying to keep herself from giggling again - which was so out of character for Kate, but hey, people do strange things when they're in love. I know I did. Rick's voice was next to cut through the silence of the room.

"Kate..." he trailed there, as if trying to come up with the words to express what he was feeling. My daughter's eyes were wide, awaiting his words of love. I am, too. "I love you" he says before taking a deep breath. "Even after writing over thirty novels, I can never find the words to express how much" he says, and Kate is smiling wide again. I can't help but smile, too - I remember Richard Castle's books, I was a huge fan before I passed. He always had the perfect words to describe everything, except his love for my daughter. "You make me happier than I've ever been, Kate. You amaze me with every new layer of you I find, with every word, every case you solve, every smile that lights up your face. You're extraordinary, my inspiration, in more than just the Nikki Heat novels, and you need to always know that. You're my everything, the yin to my yang, the love of my life, the mother of my unborn kids" I see his eyes drift quickly to his daughter, as if telling her he's not forgetting her. That brief break of eye contact is what causes him to miss the way her face lights up even more after that. I know why, and he'll know why soon. "I love you" he repeats once his eyes are locked back on hers, her smile has faded slightly, not giving her away so much anymore. "Always"

She's crying now, his words hitting her hard, words I know she wanted to hear, words I know she always dreamed of hearing - not necessarily exactly in those words, but you know what I mean. Her one and done, her everything, her love. She's happy, those are tears of joy, unlike so many she's shed since I was taken. And it melts my heart to think that he can bring that out of her, that he makes her happier than she's ever been, that he healed her, still does, every single day with his smile, his presence, his words. He brought my Katie back, the girl she was before I left - at least as much as possible - and he keeps that smiling, happy girl present, keeps her from fading away, sad and scared. She knows it, and that's why she's standing at the altar, clearing her throat of the lump that has formed there before her voice breaks my thoughts.

"Rick..." I smile. Her voice is shakey because she's still crying, her eyes shining with tears and love and joy. "Who would've though that you, the man who shadowed me and drove me crazy and pulled my pigtails, would end up here with? And don't answer that, because I know you'll say you did" she chuckles softly, as does everyone else. "I love you" her voice is suddenly soft and sincere, no hint of humor in it whatsoever. "You... You were always there for me. Rick, you healed my deepest wounds, you held me tight when I needed you, you saved my life so many times - in more ways than one. You changed my life, changed me, in a good way" I smile wider, because her words echo my thoughts, because I know she sees it, too. "You are one of the best things that's ever happened to me" she's crying even more now, and he is, too. "I love you, so much, Rick. And I always will" she says, and, at this point, I'm pretty sure half the guests are crying, too. Jim is, and Martha and Alexis, and Lanie and Jenny... and even Kevin and Javier. "Always"

From there on, every goes in a blur - a blur of giggles, laughs, awws, smiles, love, the exchange of the rings, and then the kiss. More awws fill the room as they kiss. It's a simple kiss, not heated, but rather sweet, gentle and filled with a love no one could ever describe, filled with the promise they just made, a promise for a future - a future filled with more love and smiles and tears and giggles, and kids. They turn towards the crowd of people, all on their feet and cheering. Kate's cheeks are tear-stained, evidence of the happiness that had bubbled over within her. Hand in hand, left in right, a perfect fit of intertwined fingers, like pieces to a puzzle, they walk back down the aisle. At the end, in between the house and the beach, I'm still following, but from a distance. I see him freeze and turn to her. I see her silhouette nod. I see his arms surround her, pulling her tightly to him. I see her feet lift from the crowd. I see him spinning her around, and here her squeals of joy. I know what just happened. She just told him about the baby that she herself found out about only days ago. I smile, once again. That baby girl, unborn, safe inside my daughter. I will look down on her and keep her safe, just like I will my daughter, and my now son-in-law. I will protect them. Always.

They still can't see me.

I know that.

Because nobody at the wedding can see the dead.

But I can see them.

I can always see them.

I will always be watching them.

My daughter. Her husband. His daughter. Their unborn daughter.

And, as I do, I'll make sure that my Kate knows that her mom is never gone.

I'll make sure she knows I'm happy and proud, and that I'm always there for you.

So, as I walk - float? drift? - by her, still wrapped in Rick's arms, I whisper to her, wishing she can hear me, but knowing she can't.

"Mom's never gone, Kate"

And then I fade away, back to heaven from where I'll always watch over her and her family until the day they join me.


End file.
